Written by Mumuni Zainab
“All my friends seem to be hooking up with someone and I really seem to be the only girl in school and in my circle, who doesn’t have anyone she’s seeing. At a point, I had to conclude that something is definitely wrong with my looks and I became really self-conscious because I couldn’t figure out where to start from or why nobody is walking up to me to ask me out. I’ve had a few ones that I liked and they showed some interest in me then after a while, they suddenly stopped talking to me completely. A couple of friends told me I’m pretty and that I’m just not that kind of girl because I am nice. It always gets to my nerves when they tell me those things. Hello, I’m not joining the convent. I’ve even had a guy friend who told me I’m the marry type and not the date-in-high-school-type. I mean, its not really a good feeling watching my friends get asked to dance by hot guys and get flirted with while I sit around feeling like a loser. I am good at making people laugh and I could always be counted on to do something a little crazy but I guess that’s where my sex appeal seems to hit a dead end… I’m just so sick of being nice!”
Out there today, there are tons of young girls who seem to be living a normal and beautiful life but really want some companionship, some attention, an assurance that they belong, struggling with their self-esteem and confidence. Truth is, I’ve been there too, I was almost exactly like Nora. I felt like I was weird and I literally opened the space for people to make me feel ugly and less attractive but here’s the truth. Years later, I found out there was nothing wrong with me at all—and there is nothing wrong with you. The problem is with the high school system. You see, its either you’re specifically in one of the Rich kids, Barbie-pretty, super fly or super friendly (at least on the surface) groups or you’re just not in. You have to be born with most of these qualities; you can’t buy or easily develop them. And if you don’t have them, you might not get attention from guys; many others get degraded, humiliated and bullied for not fitting the bill. Well yeah, that’s it. The whole system is a nightmare.
So how do you make a good impression and get what you want without going too extreme? Let me point out in case you have no initial knowledge that, being forward with boys, flirting and going out of your way to be who you aren’t will only worsen things for you. So, first step is;
Be real with yourself. Boys are actually attracted to girls who can form opinions for herself when she seems to have the inner convictions that she is a person in her own right. They are mostly interested in a girl who can express herself in a sincere, respectful way and who doesn’t just agree with whatever they say, they are not usually comfortable with a girl who just says what they want to hear. It is factual that guys are firstly attracted by what they see but it can cool of after a while if the girl doesn’t have some definite, worthwhile goals.
Change what needs to be changed. Nobody and I mean Nobody will get attracted to you if you don’t take care of your body. Watch what you put inside and on it. Brush your teeth and take your bathe twice daily, exercise regularly, always iron your clothes and make sure what you’re wearing is neat, wash and treat your hair frequently, have a signature scent, eat healthy food, walk graciously, get education, have goals….you might be wondering ‘all these just to have a boy to get attracted to me?’ and my answer is Yes girl, because if you don’t first love, cherish, admire, pamper and appreciate yourself, nobody will love you right. But don’t go around wearing sloppy and revealing clothes to avoid sending the negative message that you are desperate for attention. And don’t wear too much makeup.
Develop respect for others. Just as you have a need to be loved, the boys you know also have a need to be respected. Stop trying to be savage all the time.
Don’t flirt…ever! Women have the ability to exert tremendous influence on men but if you test that power on every guy you meet; you’ll most likely gain a reputation as a flirt.
Don’t be clingy. Allow him to spend time with his male friends, don’t always try to know his every move and don’t be a social media stalker.
In conclusion dear Queens, learn to respect and appreciate your own values. Not every boy will like you and that is a good thing but if you don’t love yourself as I said earlier, you don’t really stand a chance of having a positive relationship.